I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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