a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
