i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As shirtless as possible
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
