I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
