she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize