oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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