i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
third nipple confirmed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
