Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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