she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Terrible idea I love it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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