I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
