i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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