if i died would you start the facebook group?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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