you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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