You really coming over, don't trick.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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