just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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