Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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