I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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