youre lurking in front of me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
