i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
