if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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