shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
