Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
