Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
