my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize