We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize