Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
