Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
