do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
