can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
