He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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