Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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