summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish I only lived at night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
