im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
