Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish you could order shots online.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
