So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
