Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
