i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
