google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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