it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My balls are so social today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
