TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
