Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
