I'm gonna have a badass scar
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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