im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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