I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
