how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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