Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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