I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I touched a dick in church today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
