Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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