My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
