I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
