I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize