No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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