Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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