Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
