you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
