OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she smelled like a LAN party
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
