Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
