New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
