he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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