Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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