the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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