so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
