my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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