I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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