Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
